Archive for 2011

The Corset Guide: Part II

Posted by Jessica Jewett 1 Comment »

“I’m one of those strange beasts who really likes a corset.” – Cate Blanchett

Yesterday in The Corset Guide: Part I, we discussed some of the reasons why modern women are still in the “corset culture” despite the stigma of corsets being symbols of restriction and oppression of women in history. Women are reclaiming their own sexuality, feminine power, and taking the stigma out of corsetry by doing it on their own terms. We also went over some key vocabulary and dissected parts of the corset to better understand the evolution of the garment into what it is today.

To review, the main types of corsets I explained were the overbust corset, the underbust corset, the straight front or “S” corset, the summer corset, and the ribbon corset. There are many other types of corsets but I chose those as a sampling for you to get you started.

Today I promised that we would learn about getting started with your own corset, share some tips, and exploring how far you might want to go in corset culture. It can be quite daunting with so many different options and things to avoid out there. I hope I can organize things enough to help you wade through all of the information.

There are three main types of women interested in corsets from what I have seen. Of course these types blend into each other in different ways but for organizational purposes, I’ve divided the types of corset women into these three groups.

Traditional

These are the women who are introduced to corsets through reenacting and living history, acting historical parts on stage or film, etc. Standards of historical accuracy might be so high that the woman will struggle to move into more modern corset styles. There will also be some difficulty getting past the idea that a corset is not just a functional piece of underwear. I was brought into the art of corsetry through Civil War reenacting and I was terrified the first time I wore a corset out in the open. To me, it was like leaving the house in just a bra and panties. Entering the art of corsetry through historical research forced upon me a level of appreciation for the engineering and construction of a good corset. They understood in the nineteenth century how to make a corset fit like a second skin. There were no standard sizes, so each corset was measured to the centimeter to fit the lady. Unfortunately there aren’t many skilled custom corset builders today and they cost a pretty penny but once you try one built specifically for your body, you’ll never want one off the rack again!

Lingerie

I think this is probably the biggest group of women who dabble in corsets. Lingerie enthusiasts may love their frilly teddies, bras and panties, but every woman I know who has a corset in her “toy box” treats it with reverence. It’s special and tends to be used on special occasions. I know a lot of brides who have worn them under their wedding dresses, for example. I also know a lot of women who’s romantic partners go nuts for a corset and they are never sorry when they try them. The lingerie enthusiasts usually begin a corset collection for every mood. You can convey everything from sweetness and virginity with pastels and lace all the way to tough as nails domination with leather, spandex, etc. Each corset has its own personality and facilitates different parts of the woman’s personality to come out, so they should all be chosen by asking, “What do I want to say with this corset?”

Fashion

The other group of women into corsets is the fashion group. These are the women who don’t necessarily know a lot about corset culture but they like the way they look, so they make them into party outfits or formal gowns. Sometimes lingerie corsets are adapted to be worn with a mini skirt or a great pair of skinny jeans. Much of the time, people aren’t even aware that they’re looking at a corset, as is the case with the satin Dolce and Gabbana dress on the left. Fashion corsets are not typically constructed with the standards of old corsets and they are usually lightly boned. Lightly boned corsets are much more flexible and not designed for tight-lacing. In the corset world, the fashion corsets are the beginner level because they are not very tight and constructed with the old standards. The beautiful hourglass shape does make any body type look great in a formal gown though, which is why they’re still so popular with wedding gowns.

Fitting Your First Corset

No matter which of the three main groups you identify with or if you identify with all of them, none of them are going to look right if you’re not fitted properly. More importantly, if you’re not fitted properly, the corset is going to end up being very uncomfortable and will lead to cuts, abrasions, bruises and pressure sores.

Abraham’s Lady corset

A few years ago, I went to Gettysburg for the reenactment and I had to quickly buy a corset off the rack from a shop called Abraham’s Lady. I never advise off the rack corsets in Civil War reenacting but it was a dire situation. As my friend tightened my laces, I noticed there was strange pressure under my left arm and over the front of the left side of my ribs. Within a few hours, the strange pressure points became full-blown pain. Coupled with July heat, the ill-fitted made me start to feel light-headed. I literally sat for a photograph seeing stars and starting to black out. I knew it was the corset, so I borrowed a tent and while three Confederate soldiers stood guard outside (chivalry is not dead after all), I took the loathesome corset off and put on a different bodice for that dress.

Most people think that incident is what happens to every woman who wears a corset. It’s a myth. The swooning, the romantic delicate Southern flower is simply a myth. Women of the 1860s were experts at making sure their corsets fit correctly and were built strongly so that they could raise children, do backbreaking housework, cook over hot fires, etc. I described my “swooning incident” as an example of what not to do. Never run into a shop in a hurry and grab the first corset you see. Abraham’s Lady now strongly encourages women reenactors to order custom made corsets in order to prevent injuries of this nature. My body type is nowhere near a standard size, so I can’t buy off the rack corsets without having my seamstress make serious alterations.

The corset shown here is my most recent purchase. It’s a cross between a fashion corset and lingerie even though it looks more heavy duty. Fashion corsets are very lightweight with flexible plastic boning and are not meant for tight lacing. There is no busk in this corset either, making it very flexible. This style is called burlesque because of the frills and shape. Instead of a traditional front hook and eye closure with laces up the back, this corset has a much simpler and modern zipper up the side in addition to the laces up the back.

I bought this corset off the rack in a size small. According to the size chart on the website, the size small is made to fit the measurements: bust – 32-33 A-B, waist – 23-26, hips – 32-34. On average, I’m a 32 B, a 26 waist, and a 30 hip. Those minor discrepancies in measurements might seem like nothing in regular clothes but they are enough to make your corset loose in some areas and tight in others. While my natural waist is a 26 usually, being a tight lacer means I can get my waist down to about a 22 quite comfortably. This corset is not meant to cinch you down that much, so I find that we keep pulling and pulling on the laces but it doesn’t feel tight enough even though it’s being worn right. Tight lacers often have trouble with fashion corsets feeling baggy. I doubled up the lace but it then became too short, so I had to go buy a different lace. The new lace is longer and stronger, thereby correcting most of the loose areas around the bust and hips, but I have to be careful not to be too rough on Miss Burlesque. Lacing her too tight might pop a bone because they are thin plastic. If you pop a bone, you’ll get stabbed in the ribs all night and develop a raw spot on your skin.

I might have to have my seamstress take the bust in a little bit. Your bust in a burlesque corset should be on prominent display. If you put on a burlesque corset and find that your bust is not securely pushed up, together, and not sagging or moving no matter how you jump around, then it’s too big. On the other hand, you should not feel pain or suffocation. Always take in the bust of your corset at the seams. In this case, the main seams run down the sides, so we’ll probably make adjustments under the arms where people won’t see it.

What kind of corset should you experiment with first? “Get an inexpensive one to start, with plastic boning, NOT tight lacing, to see how it feels,” advises Codie Wheeler, longtime corset wearer. “Make sure to follow the measurement guidelines. Try different styles ie: overbust, underbust. I find that the guidelines don’t work so well for me though. I have a broad chest and not-huge boobs. I find that most corset makers think that if your chest is broad, your boobs are big. My steel-boned, tight-lacing corset doesn’t fit my boobs. The boob parts are loose, even tightened so much I can’t take a breath. Waste of $75.”

Ask someone to help you take accurate measurements of your body in its natural shape. Find someone who doesn’t mind seeing you naked and never, ever try to take your own measurements. If you can’t find anyone, the lovely people at lingerie shops will be willing to help. I go through weight fluctuations sometimes and the sales girls at Victoria’s Secret are always willing to help you be certain that you are properly sized. So where should you measure your body? Here is an illustration to help you. Record the measurements in inches and centimeters. Standard sizes are done in inches but a good custom corset maker will do it in centimeters for a more snug fit.

A good place to try inexpensive, lightly boned corsets is The Fashion Corset Shop. They are not to the highest standard but they are cute, a wide variety of styles, and they are quite flexible. You never want to jump right into the steel boned hardcore tight lacing corsets, otherwise you run the risk of hurting yourself and “swooning” like I did in Gettysburg. Choose the size closest to your measurements and experiment with the different ways you can make it fit with the tightness or looseness of your laces. Go try on corsets at Victoria’s Secret or Frederick’s of Hollywood if you’re not ready to buy one yet. Keep in mind that feeling pressure around your body is normal but pay attention to any spots of pain. There should never be any pain and you should never feel like you’re not getting enough oxygen. Sexy should not equal torture (unless you’re into that kind of thing)!

Big Girls Shouldn’t Wear Corsets
I hear this all the time and it drives me nuts because it’s not true! Plus sized women in the nineteenth century didn’t go without corsets in their lives just because they weren’t skinny minnies. Historically, women didn’t look like Skeletor like the fashion is today. They were curvy and men liked them curvy. Many of them look thinner than they were because they used the corsets to shape their curves and support their larger busts. They were beautiful women and you have every right to feel beautiful too. Just as with any other woman – it’s all about the proper fit and support in the right places. Do not be afraid of corsets if you are curvy because they do help you look thinner without compromising your feminine shape. Look at how great these women look in plus size corsets.
My advice to women with more curves is to look for corsets that are structured with bra-like features. My burlesque corset, for example, has cups and underwire like a bra but those features are hidden by the lace, ribbon and bows. I don’t particularly need the extra support but some women do feel better if their bust is contained with such security measures. Also, if you are curvy, go for the heavier boned corsets because they will maintain the shape better and steel boning is probably not going to run the risk of causing discomfort as much as it would skinny minnies. I also recommend overbust corsets with sweetheart necklines as opposed to cutting straight across because the ones that cut straight across will smash your bust. Sweetheart necklines show off your curves and allow more freedom for the bust to breathe.
Tomorrow we will discuss the art of tight lacing, how to breathe, drink and eat in a corset, and ways to accessorize your corsetry look. Whips, feathers and beads! Oh my!
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The Corset Guide: Part I

Posted by Jessica Jewett 3 Comments »
Dita von Teese

“We all have a fetish! The difference between us and them is, they’re putting it out there where everyone can see. And I think it’s healthy and fabulous.” – Samantha Jones, Sex and the City, episode: La Douleur Exquise!

The amount of people who are unaware of the art of corsetry and tight lacing in the modern world is shocking to me. What used to be commonplace and normal has now shifted into the dark, underground world of sexual bondage, S&M, and fetishes. There is a bit of a stereotype of women who are interested in corsets, as if we’re all itching to whip our lovers or lead them around on leashes like pets. While I have nothing at all bad to say about those things, I would like it pointed out that not all of us in the corsetry world go that far. For some of us, the corset is another piece of lingerie that we favor over the others because of the feeling it gives us. The interest in corsets ranges from fashion choices with little to no boning, to tight-lacing, to drifting into the world of bondage and S&M. Every type of woman can get into it. You don’t really even need a romantic partner to enjoy it either.

My introduction to corsets came in the backwoods of Tennessee. I’m a Civil War reenactor, so corsets are part of the job for women. Back in the 1860s, corsets were used to engineer the famous Victorian hourglass figure that emphasized the hips and breasts while keeping the waist tiny and delicate. This ideal feminine shape evolved from the belief that women with such curves were better equipped to conceive and give birth to dozens of children. The hourglass shape was also highly sexually desirable for men of the period as well. The 1860s corset also served as a strong structural base to support the weight of hoop skirts and heavy dresses. Tight-lacing in general was not in fashion prior to and during the Civil War, meaning it’s a myth that women were sucking their waists down to ridiculously small proportions. That practice did not come into fashion until after the Civil War, reaching its height at the turn of the twentieth century. As the bra was invented in the 1920s and the desirable female silhouette became straight and flat, corsets were thrown away and never used on a widespread basis again. Women became liberated and began to see corsets as symbols of restriction and oppression placed upon them by men.

1860s corset gives a natural silhouette

 

1890s-1900s corset gives a tight-laced unnatural silhouette

Today, corsets have come out of the underwear drawer into fashion for women who desire a tighter, hourglass silhouette for their looks. A lot of women into the art of corsetry feel that it empowers them, makes them feel more feminine and still powerful. A woman who has the ability to feel comfortable in her body and realize her potential as a force of nature may find herself attracted to the corset. There is something interesting about taking a piece of clothing that was considered oppressive and reclaiming your own feminine power, almost to say, “You cannot control me because I choose to control myself.” I often find that women who dabble in corsets tend to naturally tap into not only their sexuality but their self-confidence as well.

Additionally, some women, such as myself, find the corset to be sexy without strutting around basically naked. You are very covered in a corset but your shapes, lines and curves are still on full display. It pushes a man to use his imagination a little more. I am a woman who believes real femininity doesn’t give it away all up front. The true feminine woman will make him work for it, make him appreciate what he has, and make him fall in love with the strength required to be a woman. There is a big difference in a man finding a woman sexy and a woman finding herself sexy. For some woman, the corset allows natural self-confidence to exude from her, body and soul.

Now that we know why corsets are still out there and how they have evolved, let’s learn some terminology.

Coutil – A very sturdy and crisp fabric with a marked herringbone pattern. Made from twisted yarns of cotton. A traditional and common corset fabric. Although corsets today can be made of just about anything, the most sturdy fabric for long-term use is coutil.

Sateen – A cheap, alternative for expensive satin made from closely woven cotton. Has a lustrous, smooth satin-like appearance. A popular fabric for corsets in the 19th and early 20th century and was sometimes used with coutil in corsets as a lovely contrast.

Busk – A long stiff bone at the front of the corset that helps to keep it rigid. Early corsets up to 1860 used a straight rigid busk which could be made out of whalebone, ivory, metal or wood. These were sometimes ornately decorated and were inserted down the center slot of the corset. Later 19th century corsets and onwards use a “divided” busk, which although was invented during the 1830’s, did not come into general use until the 1860’s. The divided busk is made out of spring steel with loop fastenings on the right side and studs on the left side.

Curved busk – A popular spring steel busk in the second half of the 19th century. A curve creaties an indentation in the upper stomach at waist level, then flares out and over the abdomen. A curved busk gave a place for the displaced flesh from the waist to go to.

Spoon Busk – A pear shaped curved busk invented around 1873. The curved pear shape flared over the abdomen giving it more support and was favored by larger ladies who found it more comfortable.

Straight Busk – A perfectly straight busk which became popular around 1900. It was thought to be healthier than a curved busk as it did not press on any internal organs. (See Straight Front corsets).

Waist Tape – Also known as a Stay Tape. A horizontal tape sometimes made from a twill often found at waist level inside a corset. This is used to take some of the strain of the corset and prevent it from stretching out of shape.

Flossing – Embroidery found on the bone casings of a corset. Flossing reinforced bone casings preventing bones from fraying and working their way out, and provided decoration for a corset.

Eyelet – A small hole, often handworked, on early corsets up to 1860. Used for lacing up the corset. (See French Holes and Grommet)

French Holes – An ivory or bone reinforced eyelet hole sometimes seen on early 19th century corsets.

Grommet – A metal reinforced eyelet hole used for lacing up corsets. First used in the late 1820s on corsets and then in common use for the Victorian era. (See French Holes)

Bone(s)– Also known as a stay or stays. Used for stiffening the seams of a corset. This generic term can be apply to “bones” made out of any material such as whalebone (baliene), watchspring, steel, spiral steels, featherboning, etc. Types of bones:

  • Featherboning: A trade name for a patented boning manufacturing process made since 1884, and was a substitute for whalebone. Featherboning is literally made from feathers by using the shaft or stem of a feather or several feathers to make a long continuous “bone” which can be cut to whatever length is needed.
  • Spiral steels (or boning): A flexible steel bone or stay invented in the US in 1904 by Mr. “Pa” Beaman, where the metal is literally arranged in a flat spiral pattern.
  • Watchspring: A specially tempered steel which was very flexible. Due to it’s flexibility, it became a popular material to bone corsets with. Also used to make cage crinolines with.
  • Rustproof Boning: Before stainless steel, women in the late 19th and early 20th century had problems with the stays in their corsets rusting. As a soulution, manufacturers such as Warner’s, came up with the idea of “Rust Proof” or “Rustless” stays whereby a normal watchspring bone was covered in thick paper
  • Plastic Boning: In modern corsets, the boning has become either plastic or steel. Plastic is very flexible and considered quite light in the corset world. It’s mostly used in fashion corsets, not traditional corsets.

Cording – A method of stiffening a corset in which a cord made from cotton or other fibres is inserted into a corset instead of traditional bones. Each line of cording would be stitched into it’s casing. Cording provides a firm yet flexible alternative to traditional boning and was often used as a “healthy” alternative in 19th century corsets. Warner’s patented their own form of corset cording in 1873 when they invented Coraline, a cord made from the fibers of the Mexican Ixtle plant. (See Trapunto Work)

Trapunto Work – A method of quilting in which a pattern is outlined with a single line of sewing, then filled in with cotton or wool to give it a raised effect. Trapunto work is often seen in late Georgian and Regency corsets, and was a popular way to decorate a pair of stays, giving it a corded affect. Trapunto work also stiffened the corset slightly and gave some degree of figure support. (See Cording)

Overbust corset

This is what we stereotypically think of when the word corset is mentioned. The overbust corset is named that way because it quite literally comes over the bust, as opposed to the underbust corset. The boning comes all the way up and supports the breasts sort of like a strapless bra. Support is great when you’re wearing a well-fitted corset and it makes your cleavage secure like Fort Knox. Sometimes the style of fashion corsets has drifted into halter corsets of late, meaning there is a strap that goes around the neck. It isn’t necessary to have the halter strap around the neck unless you simply like how it looks or you feel the need for extra support if you have a very large bust.

Underbust corset

The underbust corset cuts underneath the breasts, as you can see in the picture on the left. It cinches the waist as little or as much as you want while leaving the breasts exposed, which is most often used in fashion over a blouse for an added edge. Underbust corsets are often called girdles as well, although they are not quite the same thing. In my experience, women who prefer underbust corsets in the bedroom tend to be a bit edgier and more likely to drift into other things like bondage and S&M. This is not always true though! Since the underbust corset cuts under the breasts, it is imperative that it fits correctly, otherwise you run a serious risk of injuring yourself. An ill-fitting corset can cause bruises and pressure sores as well as cuts if not fitted correctly. I see more injuries happen from underbust corsets than any other type. Worn correctly though, they can add some sexy spice to your wardrobe.

Straight Front corset

This is a historical corset style that is not used by many mainstreamers. It’s also know as the S-bend corset, due to the shape it gives the body. This style of corset became popular around 1900 but did not last very long because of how it harmed women. The straightfront front corset used a perfectly straight busk and diagonal seams to mold the figure into an “S” shape by thrusting the bust out forward and pushing the hips backward. It also extends much lower on the body than previous corsets. The hips are forced backwards and the breasts are pushed forward. Women certainly looked regal in this corset but doctors soon realized that prolonged use increased miscarriage rates and caused a wide variety of medical problems. As the world moved toward World War I and modernization, the corset became a thing of the past.

Summer Corset

A summer corset is one of the lesser known styles. It’s typically made out of a lacey lightweight cotton or linen mesh. Popular with Victorian and Edwardian ladies, the mesh provided some ventilation during the hot weather. The modern summer corset has evolved into the beautiful lacy see-through corsets often seen in lingerie shops today. Just as the summer corset was a private undergarment in the nineteenth century, the sheer lacy corsets today are usually worn privately under clothes or as a spicy treat for one’s lover. The lightweight sheer corsets are not so heavily boned today. I highly recommend that people new to corsets begin with these lightweight, lightly boned styles, as they will not be such a shock to the body. While the lightweight summer corset pictured here resembles window blinds and is not terribly attractive, there are a great deal more choices today that utilize sheer cotton, linen, beautiful lace, and so forth. Function is not so much the name of the game anymore.

Ribbon corset

This particular corset pictured at left dates from about 1905 and is a ‘ribbon’ corset, which means that it’s actually made of silk ribbon. This style of corset weren’t worn for tight lacing or for everyday use as they would have been too delicate for such brutal wearing. They were worn in the bodiour (i.e. for wedding nights, etc), for special occasions such as birthdays and weddings. They were popular with young ladies in their 20s and tended to be worn only by the very slim, as ribbon corsets couldn’t support a fuller figure. In other words, this corset was simply for decoration and would not support fuller figures. Today it would be like the underbust corset or a pretty decorative version of the modern girdle.

I bet you didn’t know there was so much to learn!

So now that we are more familiar corset terminology, we should learn about getting started with your own corset, some tips, and exploring how far you might want to go in “corset culture”. Tomorrow we will learn those things. Stay tuned!

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Do ghosts have sex?

Posted by Jessica Jewett 46 Comments »
This is one of the most common questions I get asked, whether there is sex in the afterlife or not.

Short answer: yes.

Aside from the need for procreation in the physical world, sex is the most intense expression of love that people can share. It’s healthy and nature’s way of relieving pain, improving moods, releasing endorphins, and so forth. The moment of orgasm is as close as we can get to exposing the soul and experiencing the level of bliss that souls experience in the afterlife. Sex is a gift from the universe, your higher power, God, whatever you want to call it, and should be enjoyed freely and safely.

Just as there are a million different types of sexual activity in the physical world, so too are there in the spirit world. Some are dangerous. Some are to express love. Some are recreation based on lust. Here is a basic rundown of the terminology.

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Spectrophilia – This is defined as sexual attraction and/or sexual activity with a ghost. This connection is between a living person and a disembodied soul. It’s an umbrella term that covers all types of sexual encounters that concern interaction between the living and the dead. Not to be confused, however, with necrophilia, which is sexual attraction to dead bodies. We are not talking about that.

Succubus – On the dark side of spectrophilia, an encounter with a succubus is a dangerous thing. Succubi (plural) are, according to longstanding mythology, demons that take the form of women and drain energy from living men by having sex with them. The Biblical figure, Lilith, is often described as a succubus and also as a vampire. She was Adam’s first wife but was cast out of Eden because she wanted to be on top, aka dominant, during sex. Her image became dominant after that and, depending on who you ask, she is now a succubus or a vampire taking out her anger on men and babies.

Incubus – Just as the succubus is a female demon controlling and draining men through sex, an incubus is the male demonic counterpart. He is known to lie upon a living woman, have sex with her, and according to some traditions, impregnate her as with Merlin.

While much of the incubi and succubi mythology is exaggerated and expanded upon over time, the basic concept is based in truth. There are a few known cases in the paranormal community of sexual assaults, sometimes rather violent, associated with hauntings. People who toy with the spirit world without really knowing what they’re doing often unknowingly welcome demonic activity and sometimes it takes the form of succubi or incubi. In many cases, people are quite embarrassed to speak of being sexually assaulted by something they can’t see, so many of such attacks remain unreported. It’s unclear how often this sort of thing happens due to the stigma attached to it.

Astral travel, astral projection, out-of-body experience – The majority of people are not aware of it consciously but we all can and do leave our bodies from time to time. Think of it like a vacation for your soul. Living in the restrictive confines of the body is like being stuck at work 24 hours a day and a break is necessary sometimes. While we sleep, we have the ability to leave the body and visit loved ones in spirit, see different places in the world, etc. Those who aware of leaving the body have reported merging with other souls at times.

Merging – Merging is the word most used to describe the sexual union between two souls outside of the confines of the physical body. We say merging because the act is quite literally two soul energies merging together. It causes the same euphoric release that people experience at the point of orgasm. It is possible to merge with a disembodied soul while outside of your body but it is rare. It takes an extremely strong emotional bond with the other soul and the right conditions. Usually the intensity of the act causes the person to retreat back into the body before they want to but they never forget the encounter.

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The need to express love in a physical and spiritual manner like sex does not go away when we die, as you can see. Death is not really the end. It’s just life taking on another form more comfortable for the soul. Sexual encounters with spirits don’t get talked about very much, but when they do, it’s generally with a snicker and juvenile giggling. It does seem a bit far-fetched until you’ve actually experienced it. However, those who have experienced it are quite serious and genuine in their claims.

I have heard several stories about spouses dying seemingly before their times and leaving widows and widowers behind. It appears that in cases of exceptionally close spouses very deeply in love, sexual encounters do still happen. Sometimes the person won’t see anything but goes through the entire sexual encounter feeling real sensations of hands, breath, lips, penetration, and so forth. The legitimate cases for me have a ring of truth when the person doesn’t know what to make of it and didn’t go seeking such a thing. While they feel love and physical bliss through these encounters, the legitimate cases tend to wonder why it’s happening and they become concerned that their loved ones aren’t moving on in death. Only when people seem overly excited about spectrophilia do I become suspicious about their claims. It is a romantic idea to think that your spouse loves you enough to continue making love to you in death, but the truth is, such activities should not be encouraged because it keeps people from fully living their lives. It is necessary for both parties to move on and continue their journeys when death parts them. Contact between spirits and the living should never be so constant or intense that it holds back the natural progression of life.

In addition to continuing sexual relationships in this lifetime, it also happens with souls from previous lives who are not incarnated at this moment. These incidences can be frightening for people who don’t have past life memories or the ability to really recognize a lover from a past life. Sometimes it can feel like violation or like something is wrong mentally if a person doesn’t understand it. Since nobody really talks about it out of embarrassment and fear, there isn’t really a fighting chance of figuring out the truth enough to resolve the situation one way or another. I have devoted my life to understanding the nature of the soul and even I didn’t know about these things until it happened to me and I worked up the nerve to ask my mentor. Luckily for me, I recognized the spirit involved by scent and overall feeling (my former husband, Joshua L. Chamberlain), so the potentially frightening situation was diffused quickly. His spiritual presence in my present life is as a background figure that sometimes makes more direct contact. Incidences this intense, however, are rare. I do not cling to the past like some people aware of previous lives and that is in large part because he keeps his distance enough for me to think of him lovingly but still desire new relationships and experiences.

I want to reiterate that incidences of spectrophilia are pretty rare. It takes a lot of energy for them to manifest in that way. They’re also not as wrapped up in earthly affairs as some might think, although the bond of love is not easily broken. Of course they miss us if we miss them. Sometimes love has to be expressed, even through the veil between spiritual and physical.

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