Subjective paranormal experiences

Posted by Jessica Jewett 7 Comments »

The night of December 7, I had a rather significant encounter with a spirit. I should have written about this sooner but I’ve been battling my very first bout with step throat. I’m still not totally well but I wanted to write about these things before I forget.

December 5, 6, and 7 were truly odd days, even for me. My family and I have been sick on and off for over a month but I thought my last illness before Thanksgiving was it. We all seemed to be getting better. The afternoon of December 5, I wasn’t feeling right but I hoped it was just my allergies getting weird. When I woke up the next morning, I was basically paralyzed by a sore throat, congestion, intermittent fever, and so forth. I thought it was just a really bad cold, so I started taking cold pills, but they weren’t having any affect except helping me sleep. By lunch, I thought, “I should call the doctor. Oh well. He’ll never get out here before next week and I’ll be over it by then.” Then 4 pm rolled around and guess who called? My doctor’s office! They wanted to send out the nurse practitioner for my every three month checkup the next day (the 7th). I was really taken aback by the timing but very, very grateful for it. Long story short, I was diagnosed with strep throat and it was something I had never had before so I couldn’t have known the symptoms. The nurse practitioner said a few times about how the timing of her visit was very strange and suggested it was some sort of higher power because strep throat can be rather dangerous when left untreated. She said sometimes it can turn into meningitis or scarlet fever. That caught my attention because two of my children from the 19th century died at two different times from scarlet fever and that day, December 7, was also my wedding anniversary from that lifetime.

That night, I took my first dose of antibiotics and settled into bed with trash TV in hopes of sleeping through most of the illness. You can’t imagine the pain that comes along with strep throat unless you’ve had it. I just wanted to zone out and forget the last few days and hope the antibiotics would work quickly.

As I was lying on my side looking at the TV, I felt a rather concentrated cold spot on my face. I didn’t pay it any mind at first. No rational person automatically thinks they’re having a paranormal experience when it happens. It’s the air conditioner, or it’s a draft, or someone walking by. Your mind just doesn’t say “GHOST!” with such a minor experience. But a couple of minutes later, the cold spot came back and it seemed to press harder on my face. Not only that but I noticed rather unexpectedly that the cold pressure vaguely felt like the shape of a hand on my cheek. I didn’t move because it has happened a couple of times in the past but my rational mind still likes to say it’s nothing. Being very still eliminated the possibility that it was me creating my own cool air flow as I moved. Neither the heat nor the air were running and all of the doors and windows were closed. Also, there was no cold air blowing around or pressed to any other part of my body. On the contrary, the rest of me was rather hot.

The rational causes checked off in my mind, so I decided to see if I could get whatever it was to respond to commands. Deep down, I knew who it was and why, but I still try to keep my wits about me. I made a request that if it was who I thought it was to touch my cheek. There was no delay. Instantly, a centralized spot of cold pressure came to my cheek. So then I requested to be touched on the lips since that was a significant distance from the cheek. The cold left my cheek right away and moved to my lips, just as I had requested. I made a few other requests like my forehead and each request was honored straightaway. I then felt a weight settle behind me after I stopped asking for requests. There was no cat or dog in bed with me either, which was odd in itself, because they always sleep wrapped around my legs.

I knew who it was. It was the one to whom I had once been married quite a long time ago. As I thought about the fact that it was the wedding anniversary of our marriage at that time, it occurred to me that my medical attention earlier in the afternoon had been influenced by him or some other higher force, just as my nurse practitioner had suggested more than once. I thought of the way she casually mentioned that me not being treated for strep throat could have become dangerous soon. Coupled with his visit later that night – the night of the anniversary – I slowly accepted that I was still being watched over. The way I was touched in itself was significant because during the 19th century, I suffered from from migraines, anxiety, and eye problems (I still do on all accounts), and he routinely spent time in bed touching my face and forehead the same way. These were all things that occurred to me after the fact and I felt as if I should have known.

The thing about subjective paranormal experiences is they are subjective because nobody else witnessed the events and they can’t be proven. I know for certain what happened to me but there’s no way I can prove it. I don’t have a need to prove it but it got me to thinking about subjective and objective paranormal experiences. I don’t really think there is such a thing as a truly objective experience unless a ghost streaked a room full of scientists or something. Aren’t all experiences subjective on some level? If they were objective, wouldn’t the question of whether ghosts exist be answered once and for all already? I can’t rightly say but my mind thought in circles for hours on it.

True, some could argue that my experience was brought on by my illness. I have in fact been battling a high fever on and off for days. However, I have had a similar experience of being touched and the touch following directions a few times before without the benefit of fever. I don’t believe drafts, air conditioning units, or heating units are capable of following directions to very concentrated and specific parts of my body. My own skepticism is satisfied, especially given the date significance and the illness involved as well as the odd timing of accidental medical treatment. One coincidence may pass unnoticed but when they pile on top of each other in such a short period, one has to sit up and take notice.

Personally, I’m grateful that he still watches over me. Anyone who has lost loved ones should remember that they are still watched over in some way. Take comfort in it. You don’t need to prove it to anyone.

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The fracturing of the soul

Posted by Jessica Jewett 3 Comments »

There is one type of spirit phenomena that isn’t so readily discussed. The fracturing of the soul is a phenomena that some mediums have experienced in their dealings with spirits of people who were either severely mentally ill at the time of death, or in rarer cases, endured some kind of severe trauma at the time of death. Sometimes mental illness can cause a soul fracture long before death and the fractured piece will remain in that moment. The mental illness or trauma creates its own energy from that moment of the person’s life that splinters off from the rest of the soul that goes on to the afterlife and is then recycled into the reincarnation process. So while a person may go on to reincarnate, sometimes darker parts of themselves can linger behind.

I’m not too certain how well-known this is in general terms but I know of several mediums, including myself, who have witnessed such things. In truth, I think it’s possible that most people have a few splintered pieces of themselves still out there, reminders of previous lives and the things that went wrong in them. I am an example of a fractured soul, in fact. Once upon a time, my name was Amy and my life ended very suddenly at the bottom of a twisting stairwell. You can read about my time as Amy here to understand why and how the fracture happened, but the point is, apparitions of Amy are still seen in Oxfordshire, England, from what I have been told. Obviously I cannot be in two places simultaneously, so therefore, I suspect part of myself that simply couldn’t believe or accept the way that life went splintered off and got stuck there. I know a few other people who have encountered somewhat muddled or messed up versions of who they were in past lives as well, just like seeing any other ghost. One case leaps to mind of Jeffrey Keene (get his book here), who saw an apparition of himself as John B. Gordon before he knew he was that man.

Another “famous” fractured soul is Lizzy Borden. We all know her story. A life that took such a direction would be ripe for the fracturing of the soul. Several years ago, I visited the Borden house but did not go inside because it was rather cramped for a wheelchair. However, I noticed a peculiar feeling about the “Lizzie” entity there that I hadn’t felt before. It was not an aware, intelligent sensation, but there was indication that frightening or malicious prankster interaction with the living guests and employees of the bed and breakfast. I felt confusion, foreboding, fear, and many other things that I typically associate with angry, intelligent entities; however, that entity did not feel complete or totally aware. It was something I couldn’t articulate with language, so I went away from that place somewhat relieved that I did not go in for a tour. Years later, I watched an episode of The Dead Files in which Amy Allen, another medium, described all of the things I felt at the Borden house, including things I did not mention to others, such as the perverse sexual practices that took place in the house. She described a piece of an entity in the house stuck in the moment of something terrible in her mental condition but it wasn’t the whole entity. It was just the mentally damaged part of Lizzy. She called it a fractured spirit or soul (her exact words escape me at the moment) and everything suddenly made sense.

I have trouble articulating exactly what a fractured soul is in terms of apparition categories. We all know the big categories are intelligent spirits and residual energies, but fractured souls don’t seem to fit in either category because they have behavioral characteristics of both types. In visual terms, they often look distorted or behave in unnatural ways, sometimes meant to frighten the living or sometimes because it’s just what they’ve become in that splintered state. Amy Allen described one as crawling around the walls. That sounds insane to outsiders, I’m certain, and it would have sounded insane to me if I hadn’t seen it myself as well. Several years ago, I went to South Carolina for New Year’s Eve and my friend took me to see Columbia during my time there. We went to the old lunatic asylum on Bull Street, which was opened in 1828, but I wouldn’t even get out of the car. I had no idea there was such a think as a fractured soul at that time, so it frightened me to see distorted faces in a few windows, as well as a body hanging upside down and then crawling out of a window like some cheap horror movie. Truthfully, I thought I was either going insane or my friend was playing a sick joke on me. Nobody else saw what I did though. I was either insane or I saw some kind of phenomena that I couldn’t explain. Years later, with the benefit of hindsight, I know now that those things I saw were not the complete people, not their complete souls, but fractured pieces of their mental illnesses left behind.

I don’t find this rule to be true in every case of severe trauma or mental illness though. For example, John Wilkes Booth is a soul entirely in tact, at least from his time as “Booth”, but he lived with enormous mental illness. Obviously. Look what he did with his life. So what rules define which souls get splintered and which do not? I don’t know. I’m just barely beginning to understand this phenomena in the most broad terms.

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The Epic Mermaid Blog

Posted by Jessica Jewett 3 Comments »

If you know me longer than a day, you know I have a slight (read as: majorly obsessive) interest in mermaids. Believe it or not, my first exposure to them was not Disney’s The Little Mermaid. It was the Hans Christian Andersen story that Disney hijacked and turned into Ariel, Sebastian, Flounder, Scuttle and Prince Eric.

Prince Eric. Pause for a 9-year-old dreamy sigh.

The Little Mermaid was originally written as a ballet and first published in 1837. Andersen’s tale is actually much darker than Disney portrayed, as were all 19th century European fairy tales happening at that time. They were used to teach children morality lessons. In the original version, the mermaid is told by her grandmother, after rescuing the prince from drowning, that when mermaids and mermen die, they turn into seafoam and cease to exist, while humans go on to Heaven and eternal life. Basically, humans have souls and merfolk do not. The mermaid is in love with the human prince, as portrayed in the Disney version, but she also longs for a soul (Disney made it into her fascination with legs), so she visits the Sea Witch for a potion that will give her legs in exchange for her tongue. This goes back to the ancient tales of sirens, also mermaids, who lured sailors with their intoxicating voices. The deal she makes with the Sea Witch is much darker than the Disney version in that the potion makes her have beautiful legs but she may never return to the sea and when she walks, it feels like she is walking on sharp swords hard enough to make her bleed. Added to that, she can only attain a soul if she finds true love’s kiss. The prince has to love her and marry her. When he does, part of his soul will flow into her (a metaphorical sexual element). If he marries someone else, the morning after the wedding, the mermaid will die, disintegrate into seafoam and cease to exist. The mermaid agrees, drinks the potion, and meets the prince, who falls in love with her. However, he is forced to marry a princess from another kingdom and the mermaid’s heart breaks. Her sisters gave the Sea Witch their hair in exchange for a knife that the mermaid must use to kill him so that his blood dripping on her feet must return her to mermaid form. The mermaid loves him and cannot bring herself to kill him. At dawn, she throws herself into the sea, where her body dissolves into foam. Instead of ceasing to exist, she feels the warmth of the sun and is told she has turned into a spirit, a daughter of the air. The other daughters of the air tell her she became one of them because she strove with all her heart to attain an eternal soul. She will earn her own soul by doing good deeds for 300 years in order to reach Heaven.

Not exactly warm, fuzzy Disney, is it?

Naturally, being a child, I much preferred the happy sing-a-long style of Disney storytelling, but being introduced to mermaids through the darker original version showed me something that felt oddly familiar. No, I’m not saying I’m a mermaid.

Or am I?

Yeah, that happened. Blame my brother for seeing that picture of me kissing Jon Knight and then slapping aviators on Eric.

But in all seriousness, I recognized as a very young girl that mermaids were special. I saw myself in them, especially after learning the Hans Christian Andersen story. The mermaid was a girl who couldn’t walk and wasn’t accepted by most of the human race. She wanted nothing more than to be loved and to continue on living with a souls just like everyone else. The story read to me as an exploration of how far a girl would go to attain the ability to walk, to lead a normal life, and to experience love without fear. In the end, she realized she couldn’t have everything she wanted and yet she became selfless by letting her love life a full life rather than sacrificing him for her own needs. Replace the fin with a wheelchair and you have basically paraplegic and quadriplegic girl in the world. It’s not a huge leap of the mind to see why someone like me would be attracted to the idea of mermaids and that story. Like every good 19th century fairy tale, I did learn a moral lesson from it but perhaps not the one Hans Christian Andersen intended. It made me think about being satisfied with the life I was given. She wasn’t satisfied with her life and her ambition made her overreach until she ended up dead without the man she loved, her family, and so forth. The 300-year sentence read to my Catholic mind as being in Purgatory. The biggest lesson of all was self-acceptance and finding the beauty of being in your own skin.

My fascination with mermaids continued into adulthood. As I developed an interest in history and the paranormal, I began to wonder where the idea of mermaids originated and whether it might be possible for them to be or have been real. An idea doesn’t just materialize out of thin air.

Some historical representations of mermaids.

Saint Pierre de Bessuéjouls, France (16c.).

Hortis Sanitati, 1491.

Physiologus (c. 1070).

“Monstra Niliaca Parei” from Aldrovandi Ulisse’s Monstrorum historia (1642).

England, 1230-1240.

It appears that the mermaid originated as a male god – a half-fish, half-human deity known as Oannes for the Babylonians in 5,000 BCE. Oannes represented everything positive, good and light about the sea. The female version of the Oannes deity was known as the goddess Atargatis. She was a Semetic moon goddess and is believed to officially be the first representation of a mermaid as we know her now. Fish were sacred to her, which meant that she was a woman represented with a fish tail. Stories say that Atargatis and Oannes were the parents of Semiramis, an historical queen of Babylon. This meant that Atargartis became an important fertility goddess. She also represented the darker, night forces of love and their potentially destructive power. Her cult reached as far as Britain and so began the spread of mermaids as mythological creatures throughout the world. Atargartis later evolved into the goddess Aphrodite, who was also born from the sea but then as a full human. The sea powers became her escorts, the male Tritons and the female Tritonids. Her sacred companion was a dolphin and she was a goddess of fair sailing, as well as fertility. Symbols associated with Aphrodite carried throughout mermaid mythology in multiple cultures.

The Greeks were largely responsible for the evolution of an occasional mermaid deity into an entire race of merfolk. Aware of the abundant life in the oceans, the Greeks knew how to tell sea tales. An incestuous union between brother and sister, Oceanus and Tethys, produced 300 sea-nymphs called Oceanids, along with a great many other sea creatures meant to depict its fertility. Some of the creatures produced were Metis, who became mother of Athene by Zeus. One known as Euromyne was depicted as a mermaid in a statue at Phigalia. Further issue from Oceanus and Tethys was Doris, who became the wife of another sea-god, Nereus, who then produced 50 more sea-nymphs known as Nereids. Among these were Thetis, mother of Achilleus, and Amphitrite, who became the wife of the later sea-god Poseidon, and bore the race of Tritons.

I know, it’s all very sordid and confusing. I almost need to draw a map.

By 80 CE Pliney, the Nereids sea-nymphs became synonymous with mermaids, while Tritons were mermen. The original sea-gods were Wise Old Men of the Sea in keeping with the tradition begun by Oannes, but the Tritons were a lustful and rapacious lot, fond of assaulting unwary sea-nymphs and human women alike. The Nereids, on the other hand, were protective of sailors, and reserved their beautiful singing voices to entertain their father, unlike the dangerous Sirens who ensnared sailors with their enchanting voices and lured them to watery deaths. The Sirens were originally bird-women related to the Egyptian Ra, or soul birds, demons of death sent to catch souls. But the Sirens eventually became synonymous with mermaids; thus the mermaids acquired their unpleasant reputation for drowning sailors. This evil aspect can also be traced to a certain degree as stemming from Greek sea-monster propaganda, promoting a fearful image of the sea to discourage commercial rivals in shipping and colonization.

Whilst the Sirens tempted Odysseus with supreme knowledge, a god-like attribute, later the emphasis shifted to worldly temptation. Thus the mermaid/siren symbol was used by the Medieval Church as embodying the lure of fleshy pleasures to be shunned by the God-fearing. The mermaid became a victim of the repressive sexual attitudes of the Christian Church. Mermaid carvings figured prominently in church decorations in the Middle Ages, to symbolically serve as a vivid reminder of the fatal temptations of the flesh. These rapacious soul-eaters (the legacy of the bird-sirens) were of course not considered to have souls of their own. Thus, the legends of the more highly-principled mermaids, anxious to acquire souls, arose.

Apparently, one method for a mermaid to gain a soul was to marry a human being; the best known form of this legend is Hans Christian Andersen’s ‘Little Mermaid’. But similar legends abound in the folklore of many countries. Celtic mythology included the sanctified Liban, a young woman drowned and transformed into a mermaid, who after 500 years, enlisted the aid of the Irish St. Comgall to save her soul; also the Mermaid of Iona who wept many bitter tears over her inability to leave her ocean home to gain her promised soul. St. Patrick allegedly had a custom of transforming pagan women into mermaids, adding to the marine population in Ireland.

France has the legends of Melusine and Undine, both water-spirits who married noblemen. These mixed marriages in legend almost invariably fail miserably, with the unhappy mermaid ultimately unable to abandon her ocean element. In Germany, on the Rhine River, they had their Lorelei or Nix, a beautiful blonde siren who sat on a cliff luring boatmen to their deaths with her songs, in traditional style. There are the ‘morgens’ of Brittany, seemingly descendants of Morgan Le Fay, the sorceress of Arthurian legend. These creature lure all who come too near, down to their gold and crystal underwater palaces. In Norway, the ‘havfrau’ portends imminent disaster if sighted sitting on the surface of the water combing her long golden hair with a golden comb. The Japanese have their mermaids known as Ningyo.

In fact, the mermaid archetype is so widespread among cultures that one may conclude it is very ancient, and fulfills a particular need in the human collective consciousness. The mermaid in our culture is the most persistent and pervasive symbol of the old Goddess energy that represents women, particularly the mysterious, life-generating element. The Christian Church, in promoting the ideas that mermaids were dangerous temptresses and had no souls of their own, was actually stating deeply-held beliefs about all women, much as in the case of the witchcraze, when harmless old women were put to death by burning or hanging for practicing traditional herb-lore; this being the province of women it was destroyed by the Church in support of male domination. This beautiful, helpful and compellingly attractive goddess-mermaid has been stripped of all her spiritual qualities; hence, the stories involving the mermaid’s soul could never end happily. They emphasized the supposed faithlessness and inconstancy of women, the danger of their attraction, and the unlikelihood of their gaining humanity.

In Elizabethan times, the mermaid was used as a symbol of prostitution, and thus, popularly applied to Mary Queen of Scots, as Queen Elizabeth’s hated rival. Shakespeare, in the Midsummer Night’s Dream, included these lines supposedly referring to Mary, five years after her execution:

‘Thou rememberest
Since once I sat upon a promontory,
And heard a mermaid on a Dolphin’s back
Uttering such dulcet and harmonious breath,
That the rude sea grew civil at her song;
And certain stars shot madly from their spheres,
To hear the sea-maid’s music.’

The ‘mermaid’, ‘sea-maid’ meaning Mary; a dolphins back’, she married the Dauphin of France; ‘the rude sea’, the Scotch rebels; ‘certain stars’ referring to the Earls of Northumberland and Westmoreland and the Duke of Norfolk; ‘shot madly from their spheres’, revolted from Queen Elizabeth, enchanted by Mary’s feminine qualities. These lines may been disguised flattery; but it seems unlikely since Mary was dead, and also due to the prostitution symbolism of the mermaid at the time. More likely it was directed at Elizabeth, Shakespeare’s patroness, in the sense of censuring the behaviour of her rebel nobles. The mermaid was a popular poetic and allegorical symbol in Elizabethan theatre.*

But can mermaids be real? From a cryptozoological standpoint, that’s a tough question to answer and can only be based in theory and possibility, much like the New England sea serpent or the Loch Ness monster. The cryptozoology world largely ignores mermaids because the very idea sounds rather far-fetched. However, I see mermaids as no more far-fetched than werewolves or the alleged dinosaur species that still exist in Africa. The sheer number of first-hand mermaids sightings for thousands of years does make some cryptozoologists stand up and take notice though.

The different between fairy tale mermaids and cryptozoological mermaids is described by people who have allegedly seen them. They are not strictly human from the waist up with verbal speech, beautiful hair, etc. They are typically described as nonverbal, having black or green hair, and having fishy characteristics above the waist.

There are several different scientific theories that have been put forth to explain mermaids and mermen. One idea is that merfolk are animals. They might be some variety of undiscovered fish that has a top half that simply looks human, or they might be a variety of primate that evolved to a half-aquatic lifestyle. Unfortunately, not much evidence has come forth to support either idea. If merfolk exist and are animals, they must be incredibly rare, for science has never managed to get a dead body despite the fact that merfolk are supposed to love hanging about near shore, where capture should be easy and bodies would probably wash onto the beach.

Another idea holds more promise, but strays outside the normal confines of cryptozoology. According to this idea, merfolk are actually intelligent aliens. This idea is supported by the earliest merfolk legends, which describe semi-aquatic “gods” that came from the stars. If this idea were true, merfolk would be the descendants of these ancient aliens, perhaps ones that had been genetically modified to make them look more human and thus get along better with their human subjects. At some point, the set-up for playing gods collapsed and these remnants were stranded here to live out their lives apart from humans. This would explain why we don’t capture mermaids or find bodies, because an intelligent race, unlike animals, would have the ability to prevent such occurences. Unfortunately, even though this idea makes for an attractive story, it doesn’t have much going for it other than some really old legends.

Other explanations lean more towards the supernatural and, thus, are of less interest to cryptozoologists. Mermaids are explained as spirits of the water, as shapeshifters, as a subcategory of fairies, even as a type of demon.

In addition to the various speculations in cryptozoology as to whether mermaid reports might represent a new species of some sort, there is another connection between mermaids and cryptozoology. Some reports of mermaids link them to sea serpents and lake monsters. There are several ways this link can be formed. Firstly, there are legends about mermaids and other water spirits commanding sea monsters and lake monsters. Secondly, a few mermaids are reported to have extra-long tails, like sea serpents, instead of a fishy tail. Thirdly, a few rare mermaids are supposed to be shapeshifters who alternate between a mermaid form and one that resembles a sea serpent. For example, Morag, the legendary monster of Loch Morar, is said to appear in one of two forms. One is a beautiful blond mermaid, the other is a many-humped monster resembling Nessie. According to local lore, Morag appears in her monster form when someone is about to die.**

Recently, Animal Planet created a “documentary” called Mermaids: The Body Found. I have seen a shocking number of people who actually believe this program depicted a truthful story. It was not. The program was explained afterward as being a “what if” scenario. The reasons escape me as to why Animal Planet would produce something intentionally fake but they did and it has a lot more people wondering if mermaids could be real. It appears to me that the people who made the program did it from a heavily cryptozoological standpoint because the theories and appearance of mermaids in it seem to have been directly lifted from the cryptozoologists who are willing to study their possibility. Let me state here for my readers who might be confused that this program was fiction. None of it actually happened, although the theories they presented are widely discussed among the mermaid minority in the study of cryptids.

Do I think mermaids exist?

I don’t know.

I would like to think they might exist in some form just like people swear aliens, Bigfoot, werewolves, Nessie, etc., all exist. There are thousands of years of mermaid sightings all over the world, so I find it hard to believe all of those people were liars. I don’t actually think King Triton, Ariel and her sisters are swimming around the Caspian Sea, but I do think the possibility exists that a human-like species could have taken to the sea thousands of years ago while we stayed on land. There are a lot of different types of monkeys and apes, so who is to say there weren’t different types of humanoid species as well? I certainly don’t think they look/looked like Ariel either. I think they would resemble fish with human features that would make us relate to one another despite the inability on their part to speak. Mermaids may have existed at some point but may be extinct or severely endangered now. And truthfully, I hope they are never found. If they were found, they would be hunted to death.

For now, it’s nice to read the stories and imagine what might be.

And be sent hilarious things like these.

*Historical text borrowed from an article called Shadows of the Goddess – The Mermaid, by Scarlett deMason.
** Cryptozoological text borrowed from http://www.newanimal.org/merfolk.htm 

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