Archive for 2010

>My day at the Shepherd Center

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For the last year, I have been using a wheelchair that looks and feels like the engineering work of Dr. Frankenstein. The power wheelchair I had for the last six years or more gave out over a year ago after repeated damage by various airlines in my travels (that’s a whole other blog), so my mother took an old hospital chair and mixed parts together until it was something useful. It was only supposed to be a temporary fix but with the slow pace of Medicaid, it has taken a long time to get anywhere with acquiring the equipment that I need. Today, however, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. The shiny new wheelchair pictured in this blog will soon be mine with a lot of custom parts built to fit my body.

I have had a bizarre feeling the last week or so that something was wrong with my appointment at the Shepherd Center. It’s a place in Atlanta where people with severe disabilities and spinal cord injuries go for treatment and getting new wheelchairs and other equipment. A lot of military veterans are treated there for their combat wounds as well. It’s a wonderful place full of (mostly) helpful, smiling, positive staff. No facility is without faults, though. The scheduling department screwed up my appointment by switching my notification letter with another patient, so I showed up today for someone else’s appointment. The envelope was addressed to me but the name on the appointment sheet was someone else. When we realized what was going on, the receptionist went to her supervisor because I wasn’t even showing up in the system. Eventually the supervisor concluded that there was a huge mistake and that my wheelchair appointment was actually two days ago but nobody told me a thing. They knew they were at fault, so they sent me up to the wheelchair clinic anyway even though I didn’t technically have an appointment.

My specialist was amazing. He gave me enough attention and respect even though there was an appointment screw up and he treated me with the kind of dignity that I rarely get in the system. We went over my various needs, what type of pain I suffer, and what options might suit me the best. The Shepherd Center really advocates independence and mobility, so if there is any possibility for a patient to use a wheelchair of their own power, they do everything they can to make it happen. I have limited use of my right hand, so they decided that I should be in charge of my own mobility as long as I can.

We talked about the limitations of Medicaid and the rehab equipment industry a lot. I don’t have a wheelchair accessible van because I can’t afford it, which means 90% of power wheelchairs are not going to work for me because they weigh 200-300 pounds. Nobody can lift that or fold it up. The options for power wheelchairs that break apart and fold up into four-door sedans boil down to only a small handful of choices. The reason is Medicaid and the industry in general falsely believes that disabled people don’t go out and live normal lives. We are mistaken as people who are confined to the home and never have social lives or experiences out of the home besides our numerous doctor appointments. Therefore, technology and mobility equipment have never catered to the idea of accessibility outside of the house. The industry in general just doesn’t offer power wheelchairs designed for people with active lives like I do and so many of us do. Active, social quadriplegics are a myth, apparently.

I was hoping to find portable power wheelchairs advanced in technology since the last time I got one about six to eight years ago, but sadly, nothing has advanced in that field. In fact, Quickie (the brand I have used for years) completely discontinued their portable power wheelchairs. That means my old wheelchair is an extinct species. This time we went with the Invacare brand, which is a brand I have never used. The picture at the top of this blog is the model we ordered but we changed some things to fit my difficult body. We ordered footrests that are very close together and at a 90 degree angle, rather than the ones in the picture that stick out. There will be a butt cushion and a back cushion that will prevent me from getting pressure sores and ease the bones that cause me pain. I was measured, stretched, poked, prodded and examined for more than two hours before we made any real decisions. Invacare is really my only choice unless I went with a wheelchair that I can’t move myself. Losing what little independence I have would be very disheartening.

To take it apart, you pull out the batteries, pull out the butt cushion, the back cushion, take off the footrests and then pull up on the seat so the frame folds up. When it’s folded, it’s only thirteen inches wide. It sounds like a pain in the rear but that’s my life. It’s always been this way. Going out anywhere is a chore but I have to grin and bear it to go anywhere. Just get on with life and don’t look back or dwell on what you can’t do or what you don’t have! So many people at the Shepherd Center can’t feel their bodies, can’t breathe on their own, can’t pee without tubes, etc., and seeing their suffering up close reminded me of how lucky I am. I may be a quadriplegic for life but I can feel my body. I can breathe. I can move. Life is not as hard as we make it out to be every day. These patients still smile and still find joy in terrible situations. I wish everybody could visit these people with spinal cord injuries and other severe disabilities.

It will be a month or more before I get my new wheelchair. His name is Marcel, by the way. I always name my wheelchairs because they are such an extension of my body. They almost develop personalities and I would be lost without them. Marcel, my love, you will come home soon!

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>Dressgasm of the Day: 1880s violet wedding dress

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Today’s dressgasm was another eBay find from a few days ago.

I found this dress rather interesting because of the two different bodices that were made to give the dress distinct looks. Multiple bodices used to go from day to night were fairly common throughout the nineteenth century but surviving examples of entire ensembles still together are not as common anymore. I can’t remember everything the eBay auction said but it appears to me that this dress is made of silk, probably silk taffeta, which was a common luxury fabric in the nineteenth century. The color is a lovely icy violet with white highlights and trim.

The eBay auction said that this dress was a wedding dress. Most certainly, the bride wore the high necked, long sleeved bodice on her wedding day. As to not waste a perfectly beautiful dress, she made or had made a ballgown bodice – the short sleeved, wide necked bodice with the white belt – so that she could continue to wear the dress for evening events. In some cities in the later part of the nineteenth century, it was expected that the bride appear somewhere in her wedding dress within a year of the marriage. Prior to that tradition, most brides reused their wedding dresses repeatedly as church dresses or reworked them as ballgowns or, among poor brides, simply reused them in their everyday lives. Nothing was to go to waste in the nineteenth century since there were no standard sizes or ready made clothes. Everything was made specific to each person through a great deal of time and effort.

If I was this bride, I would certainly want to reuse this dress a lot because of the beautiful color and the flattering way it hugs the figure.

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>Judging the reincarnationist

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Today I was puttering around on Facebook as I tend to do when I have a day off from doing readings and working on my book, and I came across a photo of a room in a French chateau that tickled my memory from that life I spent there. It certainly was not a literal memory but more like a deja vu moment, so I did what I always do — I stashed it away in the photo album of other images that strike me as familiar from that life. Facebook tends to post albums automatically whenever you add to them, which is convenient, but I barely posted the picture before this comment appeared:

“In my past life I was Major B.S. Storee…..jes sayin.”

My first reaction was to heave a weary sigh and ask myself the rhetorical question, “Are we still here in this judgmental, closed-minded phase of society that makes grown men speak so ignorantly?” Obviously the answer was yes, we are still mired down by antiquated ideas in this allegedly modern society. He basically admitted that he was making fun of me, so I removed him from my list. The part that I found the most disheartening is he is significantly older than me. It just goes to show you that wisdom, kindness, compassion, and yes, maturity do not come with age.

I was not always an open reincarnationist, as most of you know, and I certainly was not born with the belief in or exposed to the concept of reincarnation through most of my life. My experiences with spontaneous past life memories were painful, frightening, confusing and sent me into periods of deep depression for thinking I was crazy for more than half of my life. Even when I understood that the things I was going through were indeed spontaneous past life memories, I still refused to accept it and I went to great lengths to hide it from every single person in my life for the longest time. I was ashamed. I thought I was a freak. Shame gave way to further depression. When I met Jeffrey Keene, everything changed and the spark of confidence ignited. I came out about my story and began writing the book in order to try and help other people. Click here for the book.

Incidences like Major B.S. Storee are not isolated, unfortunately. Reincarnation is like the redheaded stepchild of the paranormal community in Western society. People who are adamant that ghosts and UFOs exist are not necessarily going to greet reincarnation with positivity or enthusiasm. It really is more prevalent in Eastern philosophies but that doesn’t make it any less worthy of study and consideration. Since I have come out as a reincarnationist in the last several years, I have gotten horrible hate mail almost on a weekly basis from people telling me I’m going to hell, or I’m crazy, or whatever they choose to spit at me. It used to hurt me a lot at first but then I came to understand that it really is impossible to comprehend this situation until you go through it. I used to laugh at reincarnation too and I thought people talking about it on television were mentally ill, all the while denying that it was happening to me too.

This is the thing of it, though. There are a lot of things people say and do that I don’t agree with or that make me uncomfortable. Very, very rarely do I say anything in those situations because I know what it’s like to feel judged unfairly about things that people don’t understand. So I find myself asking why grown adults who are supposed to be equipped with tolerance and compassion are so intolerant and judgmental? How do they justify being rude and cruel in their own minds? At what point does a human being lose the ability to understand that we are all different with our own experiences and feelings? What gives people the right to say, “I’m right and you’re an idiot.”?

There are a lot — I mean a LOT — of people in the reenacting community who believe in reincarnation but they hide it. I’ve met a lot of them who have had their own experiences with it but they speak about it in secret terms out of fear and sometimes shame. Sometimes I feel like a punching bag, taking all the hits for the people who sit in the shadows unwilling to say, “I have experienced past lives too,” but I will never tell a person to come out if they’re not ready. If I have to take the punches from intolerant people for the rest of my life, then I will. I knew what I was getting into when I came out but that doesn’t mean I can’t do my part to inspire some tolerance in people. If you are one of those intolerant people, chances are when you throw a dagger at me, several of your other friends are reincarnationists too but they’re not speaking up about it. Throwing a dagger at me hits a lot of other people you probably care about too.

I will not be dragged into that black place again where I feel like it’s me against the world just because there are people out there who try to tear me down. My advice to all of you is the next time you express your disagreement over anything, ask yourself if the things you’re saying are constructive or if you’re just throwing daggers at a person’s heart. Not living a certain lifestyle gives you no justification for tearing someone else down because they live the way they choose. Example: I’m not what people term a “Bible thumper” but many of my friends are and I absolutely refuse to make them feel bad about it just because it’s not something I do. People are who they are and there is no reason why we can’t all coexist with our differences.

Chances are some of the people you admire believed in reincarnation too. To name a few: Benjamin Franklin, Jack London, Napoleon, Mark Twain, Leo Tolstoy, Henry Ford, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Mahatma Ghandi, Ralph Waldo Emerson, George S. Patton, Albert Schweitzer, William Wordsworth, Henry David Thoreau, Carl Jung, Socrates, Voltaire, Paul Gauguin, George Harrison, Shirley MacLaine etc., etc., etc. Are all of these people crazy? No. They were peacemakers, soldiers, inventors, artists, philosophers, businessmen, authors, actors, musicians and world leaders. Reincarnationists come from all walks of life and we are all right under your nose.

I’m not asking you to believe. I’m asking you to think before you speak and be tolerant of what we believe if you expect us to be tolerant of what you believe.

“Judge not lest ye be judged.” -Matthew 7:1.

“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.” -Matthew 7:12.

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