>The Christmas Barbie

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I was a little girl kind of obsessed with Barbie. I watched the commercials and thought how cool it was that one woman could be a rock star, astronaut, veterinarian, etc., and be beautiful while doing all of those things. Barbie was everything I couldn’t be due to my disability (I hadn’t yet learned that my disability never mattered and I could do whatever I wanted). Girls in the hospital wards with me acted out plays and skits with their Barbies. We were very poor people in my first several years of life, so Barbie was very low on the priority list. I had several generic dolls that were a lot cheaper but little girls in St. Louis needed the status symbols of real things. It wasn’t unlike being an adult and feeling the need for a Louis Vuitton bag to feel like you’re just like everybody else. So when Christmas came each year, I always wanted Barbies.

When you’re a small child, you tend to be innocent to many of the struggles your parents endure and I was not aware of our poverty much of the time. As a six-year-old, I lived with my grandmother while my mother tried to build a more stable life for us. Christmas morning that year was the biggest I had ever seen. My mother came to visit and the Christmas tree seemed completely engulfed by boxes wrapped in brightly colored paper. That was a day I would never forget. One of the last presents I opened was my very own Barbie. It was the real thing! She stared out from her pink box and wore a gorgeous, long, fluffy pink tutu. The late 1980s were notorious for overdoing things like that but it was the most fabulous thing I had ever seen. She was a ballerina with perfect blonde hair and big blue eyes, just like me (that Halloween, I had gone as a ballerina). And then, I opened another present – a flat box – and found real Barbie clothes to go with my new doll. I truthfully thought I was the luckiest little girl on the planet.

Other Barbies followed in the years to come but that one was important. As an adult looking back on it now, I can use my ballerina Barbie of girlhood to teach an important moral lesson. You see, my family had not given me those gifts for Christmas that year. I wasn’t told until I was much, much older but the only reason why I had gifts that year was because the Salvation Army and various local churches had donated toys and things to needy children throughout St. Louis. I was a “needy child” for much of my early life. A stranger bought that Barbie and donated it without knowing what child would receive it. At the time, it was so important to me. When you donate toys and things to needy children, you are giving them hope and inspiring their imagination toward greater things. The kindness of others gave me one of the most important Christmases of my childhood. I encourage all of you to buy an extra toy or an extra coat this year when you’re shopping for your own children and help other parents give their children hope.

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>Jon Knight Got Run Over By A JJ

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>A few years ago, I rewrote O Holy Night to be O Holy Shorts. The muse has moved me again, thanks to Dena always teasing Jon about what she terms as fugly shoes (it’s all fun, no worries). So I rewrote Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer to be Jon Knight Got Run Over By A JJ. Enjoy.

Jon Knight got run over by a JJ
after Dena stole the fugly shoes.
You can say there’s no such thing as nice shoes.
But as for me and Donnie, we believe.

He’d been drinkin’ too much egg nog.
And we’d begged him not to shop.
But he’d forgot his New Kids stylist,
and he staggered all the way to Payless Shoes.

When we found him Christmas mornin’,
locked inside South Shore Plaza.
He had velcro on Frankenfoot,
And incriminatin’ mandals in his bag.

Jon Knight got run over by a JJ
after Dena stole the fugly shoes.
You can say there’s no such thing as nice shoes.
But as for me and Donnie, we believe.

Now we’re all so proud of Donnie.
He’s been takin’ this so well.
See him in there watchin’ Celtics,
drinkin’ Red Bull and playin’ cards with Joe Mac.

It’s not fashion without Jon Knight.
New Kids stylist wouldn’t work hard.
And we just can’t help but wonder:
Should we praise the fugly shoes or tell the truth?
(Tell the truth!)

Jon Knight got run over by a JJ
after Dena stole the fugly shoes.
You can say there’s no such thing as nice shoes.
But as for me and Donnie, we believe.

Now JJ got a flat tire.
And Jon took off running.
And made a block without shoes,
since Dena dumped them in a Christmas bonfire.

I’ve warned all my friends and neighbors.
“Better get him some new shoes.”
They should never give a stylist,
to a man who drives a truck and plays with tools.

Jon Knight got run over by a JJ
after Dena stole the fugly shoes.
You can say there’s no such thing as nice shoes.
But as for me and Donnie, we believe.
(Sing it, Donnie!)

Jon Knight got run over by a JJ
after Dena stole the fugly shoes.
You can say there’s no such thing as nice shoes.
But as for me and Donnie, we believe.

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>Which BSB are Jon girls choosing?

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>Jon girls seem to have very particular taste in men since we basically view ourselves as already having the “best” but I was curious – with the new tour, which BSB are Jon girls choosing? The meat platter:

I chose an old picture because I’m a Kevin girl. He’s no longer in the group but I don’t care. Kevin is my man! Look:



But alas, since Kevin is no longer a BSB, I claim Howie. Look:



So which BSB do you choose?

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