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It took me forever to finally get around to it but I finished reading Paranormal State: My Journey into the Unknown by Ryan Buell and Stefan Petrucha.

In his first literary effort, Buell recounts his experiences and views as a paranormal investigator before and during the run of his television series, Paranormal State. The book is largely a behind the scenes look at what it takes to put this type of reality program on television, including how Buell and his team handled early suggestions from the production crew that certain things be filmed a certain way that might seem a bit staged and how he fought to keep the show real. In between chapters, there was quite useful information about paranormal terminology, equipment, myths, legends, religious aspects, interviews with other people in Paranormal State, and more background on some cases. The layout is refreshing and reads like having a conversation with Buell.

I find his honesty about the paranormal television genre refreshing, first and foremost. He fought the tendency of production teams to nearly stage certain things and kept his vision of this genre from the beginning, especially shifting the focus from strictly evidence gathering to an equal look at how paranormal activity affects the people going through it. Buell’s passionate views about shedding equal light on the people enduring hauntings as well as gathering evidence and experimenting with new equipment is inspired by early experiences in his childhood that left him disbelieved and alone. It’s uncomfortable for him to see people feeling alone in their experiences and his past pain is quite tangible in certain passages describing his descent into self-destructive behavior and temporary alienation from his family and friends. Although there is no specific outline of his childhood experiences, Buell peppers his descriptions of interaction with clients and reflects back on certain incidences he went through as a boy. He relates to his clients and that gives him a personal connection to each and every case.

I had heard before I read the book that Buell “came out” about being bisexual and I truthfully wondered what on earth that had to do with being a paranormal investigator. Part of me wondered if he included his sexual orientation as an angle to attract more readers, but I could not have been more wrong. The context of Buell’s brave admission comes from a very honest and dark place that adds to the understanding of his personal evolution in this field. I do not intend to give away specifics from the book for those who have not read it yet, but my purpose here is to reassure potential readers that Buell’s intentions throughout the book are not calculated in the slightest. His goal is to be unflinchingly honest and share himself in a way that tells people they are not alone in their experiences.

It has been said by many that Buell has a tendency toward being difficult, and even arrogant and self-serving in everything he does. I remember when Paranormal State came out, he had a MySpace page (or someone was running one for him – I don’t know) and some people chided me for adding him. When I asked why, one person in particular sounded quite bitter and adamant about his arrogance and youth, but could not give me specific examples of proof. Admittedly, I avoided Paranormal State for much of its run on television because people kept telling me, “That kid is just too arrogant.” I am five months older than Buell, so I can only imagine how many older people in the paranormal field have said, “That kid is just too arrogant,” about me too!

My view has been reshaped by paying more attention to the nuances in Paranormal State and by reading this book. If being arrogant means demanding higher standards of protocol, evidence gathering, and counseling those affected by paranormal activity, then I don’t mind being lumped into the arrogant category with him. The truth is Buell is anything but arrogant and self-serving. The early experiences in his life lit a fire in him that made him need answers. It has been repeated quietly among paranormal investigators for years that there are no real standards of investigation, that most people seem to treat paranormal studies like a fun hobby, but Buell is the one who says so publicly and without regret. The sections in the book that talk about lack of standards have been interpreted as harsh and rude by some, but I find it very hypocritical since nearly every investigator I encounter says the same things. The difference is they don’t have fame amplifying their voices. Buell does and the fame factor seems to have translated into arrogance by those who do not grasp what it means to be driven by such passion and a clear vision of what it should be that deviating from that path feels like betraying oneself. He discusses in detail the need for the medical community, religious community, andparanormal community to be more willing to work together to help the afflicted. People on Paranormal State typically have to go through medical and psychological examinations before Buell’s team will step in to help. These are some of the standards that he believes should be more commonplace in order to get to the truth.

Truthfully, I find Ryan Buell to be a very misunderstood figure in the paranormal community. I was one of the people who misunderstood his intentions until I paid closer attention. He is not arrogant and self-serving. He is blessed – or cursed, depending on how you look at it – with the determination, vision, and ability to change the way people view and cope with paranormal phenomenon. There is humanity in him as in all of us and he is quite self-critical in this book about some things that he felt should have been done differently. People prone to arrogance have absolutely no ability to recognize personal weakness, yet he expresses regret a number of times. Buell’s unflinching honesty may be difficult for some to understand but it should serve as an example of self-examination and growth. Average is not good enough for him. If he devotes himself to something, he feels the need to improve it and leave it in a better condition than he found it – in this case, paranormal studies. People born with a direction toward the extraordinary often feel it as a burden, as if they know it will consume them. There was a passage just after getting the television deal in which Buell felt the burden pressing on him, making him question whether he wanted to take the average path or the extraordinary path. Ultimately, he is fulfilling his life’s purpose. These themes in his book resonate deeply with me and I found hope in the realization that he has been through very difficult things and come out stronger on the other side.

I highly recommend this book for everyone. There are lessons in it for every aspect of life. It is not just a book about a boy who saw monsters in his room and grew up to be a man fighting monsters for others. It is a book about fulfilling one’s life purpose and leaving the world in a better condition than when you entered it.