I am not one of those people who thinks everybody has a matron goddess or a patron god. I don’t even believe it’s required in the bigger picture. My grandmother rarely worked with deities at all, while my mother has a very close relationship with certain Egyptian deities. In fact, I was raised to revere those Egyptian deities even if I didn’t choose to follow this path. My cat is named after Anubis, for example. My mother is highly sensitive about the way Egyptian Magick is portrayed in the media. It seems a little weird to me—or it did when I was younger—because our ancestry came from UK tradition as far as I can tell. But every path is individual. It’s not for me to question or interfere.
In the beginning, as a teenage girl, I looked to Isis. I believed it was my duty to follow my mother’s path once I finally stepped away from the Christian church. Isis felt very maternal and an easy transition for me because of the parallels with the Virgin Mary. I never formally dedicated myself to Isis but I turned to Her when I needed guidance. Looking back on it, I believe I worked with Her of my own initiative but She was not my matron. I rarely think about matrons and patrons because I wasn’t raised with emphasis on that being important. It just wasn’t a priority.
Recently, however, I’m starting to wonder if I have a matron goddess reaching out to me. I hate to even think of that because I don’t want to – number one, label something that powerful when it might be imagination; and number two, come across as disrespectful to the real intent of the deity. But there have been some highly unusual incidents happening directly to me as opposed to the rest of my family. These incidents are not connected to Egyptian Magick as my mothers experiences were when she was younger. I’m not following my mother’s exact path after all. I feel like I’m being called elsewhere.
Without getting too detailed at the moment (my uncertainty keeps me quiet on specifics), I have been having highly unusual dreams and visions full of symbolism that I’ve been recording in a notebook. Most of the symbols are matching up with Brigid, although I don’t feel right about jumping to conclusions just yet. My instinct has always been on the side of caution because I’m uneasy about accidentally attaching the wrong name to a spirit or deity. However, I’m getting a lot of Brigid signs in my waking world of late too.
Things came to a head on the day of the full moon. I put out jars of water that morning to make sun water and, later, moon water as preparation for a cleansing ritual my mother taught me years ago. I have things that have been boxed away for years and they need to be cleansed.
Anyway, that’s not the point of the story.
Around midday, I noticed my cat playing with something in the dining room and when I started to investigate, a lizard ran straight for me and darted under my bed. We rescued the lizard and released her outside after making sure my cat didn’t hurt her too bad. My grandmother used to tell me that lizards coming into the house were “showing us visitors from the other world” and I shouldn’t be afraid of them. A lizard has never come into this house since I’ve lived here and I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was some kind of clubbing over the head for me.
By itself, I would think nothing of it. Compounded with that specific day, the uncertainty I’ve been feeling about my path, and numerous other incidences and visions–I sat up and took notice.
I think I’m having problems trusting myself. I feel certain that there is something I’m supposed to understand at this point in my development, and I do feel a closeness with Brigid, but I’m afraid of making mistakes. I’m afraid of making the wrong interpretations and reading the wrong signs. So I’m going to give it more time and then I’ll go into more detail about my experiences. They feel too fresh and intimate to go that deep into it now.
But I do feel that things are shifting.
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