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I have been an empath since birth. An empath has heightened keen perception of other people’s true feelings, physical pain, illness, mental condition and their deepest intentions even if they’re hidden. An empath can spot a liar in a crowd and always read between the lines of what people say.
It can be thoroughly draining and some empaths have been known to take on the physical ailments of the people they encounter, such as headaches, rashes, stomach troubles or anything else they cannot find causes for other than exposure other people. There have been days when I have unexpectedly and suddenly become violently sick for no reason, only to have the symptoms disappear as quickly as they appeared when I find out someone I care about was sick or there was some disaster in the world. I get migraines and nausea that coincide with severe earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes and plane crashes.
Managing my empathic nature has been incredibly challenging and I’ve suffered with fatigue and bodily pain for years as a result. I daresay it’s much easier to be a medium, having the ability to communicate with spirits, than it is to be an empath on top of it, absorbing the feelings of both the living and the dead. I’ve sought help from other more experienced mediums and empaths, and gone through training to control these abilities and set personal boundaries so I can function in regular society. Even after all the counseling, training, etc., from more experienced practitioners, I still find myself blindsided and struggling from time to time.
Today I went shopping at a local fabric store and a craft store next to it so I could buy things for my Marie Antoinette costume for Halloween. I’m still getting used to my new wheelchair and making sharp turns in confined spaces has been difficult. Somewhere between the beads aisle and ribbon aisle, I bumped into a woman by accident, upon which brief apologies were exchanged. Even though she got hit with an obnoxious mechanical chair operated by a petite redhead, she barely glanced my way. She was distracted. She was in deep emotional pain, which had helped along a migraine in her this morning. Usually I’m good at ignoring other people’s “issues” because I keep myself fairly protected but I also count on the fact that people typically don’t get close enough to physically touch me. I’m not a hugger. I’m not affectionate. My personal space is very important to me because it’s the only way I can control my empathic tendencies. Struggling with my new wheelchair, however, has left me open to bumping into people and, unfortunately, being touched.
I came home feeling disoriented and, lo and behold, took on that damn migraine. I spent the afternoon in bed, useless to the world. My grandmother said she tried to wake me but I was unresponsive. That’s what happens when I soak up other people’s negativity. My body goes into this hibernation coma thing that I can’t explain. I don’t enjoy it in situations like this, but for whatever reason, I do these things beyond my control. It really gets in the way when I meet new people but they don’t know what I am and I unintentionally read them. Imagine how interesting meeting celebrities is with this little annoyance. I always feel like I’m invading people’s privacy.
I’m tired today. I don’t want to be an empath today. Tomorrow? I’ll be better tomorrow. I never really have a choice but to just get through it.
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